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14. Competition

Greetings, everyone. I would once again like to announce that we have reached another milestone of four hundred plus follows. Guys, I cannot thank you enough.

I usually post on Sundays, but I learnt something new about myself yesterday that I couldn’t wait to write about. So, today’s post will be on competition. And this time in order for some creative writing, I am not going to speak about typical competition which you’ll often see in an athletic or work or school environment. No, no. Today I am going to introduce competition among best/close friends. If you want to know more of what I am talking about, continue reading.

I have been best-friends with 19 girls in my entire life. None of whom I am still close with. These are the people I have given the “best-friend” status to. A few of them just drifted apart. A few of them I had a huge fight with and we “broke” up. But there are about 6 girls among these 19 girls, they tried to compete with me. As in literally compete with me.

I am not boasting, but these girls, they made sure they go to the ends of the earth to “imitate” me. Now, what do I mean by imitate? By imitate I mean, copy. Everything I do, they wanted to do. Everything I bought, they had to buy it. If not, something better than what I bought. Something as insignificant as a donut. True story – My mother got home a donut for me when she had gone out with her friends. ( I am NOT BOASTING), this ex-best friend of mine purchased a donut for herself the NEXT HOUR. 

And I know what you are thinking. “Yashna, it can be a co-incidence, don’t over think this.” And to you I say how many times does it take, for you to believe that it is not a co-incidence? 10 times? 15 times? I can name at least 30 incidents when these six people (each) have done something I have done, within the next three days. And I can tell this which such authority because all these six people have told me to my face, “I wanted to buy (the said thing) because you have bought it.” So, I can assure you that it is not a bloody co-incidence.

And it is not just these six ex-best-friends. There are many numerous people who have tried to imitate me, but they did not affect me that much, as much as what these six girls did. Maybe because I wasn’t expecting them to do this. And I would have expected strangers to do it anyway. And the fact that they did it made me more anxious and irritated and it still baffles me as to why they did it.

I have asked myself one question so many times. And that is, why does this affect my so much? And to be brutally candid, I have no idea. Competition is good. And I love a good competition. But in meaningful subjects. Not stupid things as buying the same book/phone/iPod like me. (In the most humble way, I say the next sentence) Maybe they want to be more like me. They like me, so they want to be more like me. Then it is fine. But what happens when them “wanting to be more like me” affects me? Then it’s not good. I still cannot seem to find out why this affects me this much.

There are some individuals who like it when people ‘copy’ them. I don’t seem to like it when people do that to me. I am not going to lie. I copy others. Mostly celebrities. I try to be more like “Joe Sugg – the carefree/funny human” or “Lilly Singh – the hustler” or “Leonardo Di Caprio – the best actor”. I don’t know how they feel when people like me try to be like them. But one thing is I try to replicate their good qualities. And people who try to imitate me, they don’t imitate my good qualities, instead they imitate some insignificant things I do and buy.

Maybe I feel threatened by them. Maybe they’ll beat me and become better at what ever they copied from me. I stopped doing whatever I was good at, in the fear of being “copied”. I stopped studying hard. Maybe they’ll beat me and get better grades than me? I stopped being interested in photography. What if they click better pictures? I stopped dancing. What if they become better dancers? And that was the most stupid thing I have ever done in my entire bloody life. I lived the last 10 years in this fear. And I realized what I had done, last night.

And now, I don’t know where to go from here. At least I realized it before it was too late. Because it is never too late.

Have you ever faced this type of competition? If yes, what did you do to let go of feeling disgusted? Have you faced the “What if they become better at what I am known for?” fear? If yes, what did you do to over come it and please do give me tips. In general, what did you think of this post? What do you think I should do, irrespective of whether you’ve witnessed or faced such a situation. Please post your thoughts below. I am genuinely inquisitive.

Hope you have a great day. Hope you have a wonderful week ahead. Happy Reading.

See you, next post.

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29 thoughts on “14. Competition

  1. I think it’s awesome that you were able to come to this realization. Too often we fail to recognize our true self. It’s said that imitation is the highest form or flattery. Those women looked up to you as; a leader, an innovator, an inspiration, etc. I’d say continue to be yourself and doing what you’re best at. If someone imitates you, try to see it as a sign that you’re doing something right. If they surpass you, even better! The best leaders invest in growing and developing those around them. You were able to inspire someone else to be the best version of themselves, even if it was unintentional. Keep growing. Good luck!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It took ten years to understand this. I’ll try absolute best to just be who I truly am. To be honest, thanks for writing because you just made me feel a hell of a lot better than yesterday. I shall keep growing and doing my thing. Thank you once again. Keep reading. Hope you have a great day ahead.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Sadly, with some people it doesn’t stop in adulthood. Depending on the situation, sometimes I’ve told people how I feel after they do something like this. But I think anyone worth being close friends with will be able to see you for who you really are and won’t care about this petty drama.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The people I have spoken to who have done something like this, just ignorantly told me “you are not worth copying”. So I know for a fact that confrontation doesn’t work with people like them. So, I just moved away from that friendship. Glad to know I am not the only one going through this. Thanks for writing. Happy reading. Hope you have a great week ahead.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. back in school we had soo many of these competitive immbeciles but we never realized who was doin it to nag us and who were doing it to be like us. And when it gets on your nerves and it creeps into our minds that in the process of “copying” us.. they become better at it and it takes away those things that make you unique whether its your silly little laugh or your amazing handwriting (FYI, you do have lovely handwriting :D) . Remember at these times of doubt in yourself that they CAN’T take away what makes you ‘YOU’. If they by any chance seem to do better than you , all you can do is be proud of the fact that you made them strive to do better, BUT If its some silly lil thing like buying the same darn donut …. well they are lost causes and they go where the wind blows em, you’re the tidal wave and them the grains of sand that get pulled in by your individual strength, you really should’nt give a damn cuz you are the magnet ;). That might come off as me being cut and dry but then, it is what it is. Happy Bloggin’ sweetheart.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly, Jess. It literally gets on my nerves. Thanks for the subtle lovely comment about my handwriting. But sadly, I did let it affect me. But, not anymore, Jess. Not anymore. Now, all I can say is, I am a proud magnet 😉 Maybe I needed it cut and dry. Thank you, love. Thanks for making my day. Hope you have a great week ahead. Love you loads.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Okay so this has happened a lot with me until I just figured out how to stay low key. They are copying you? Great! Probably they are impressed, complexed or just obssessed. That’s okay because its their problem and not yours. But as sson as you start feeling uncomfortable about it, check if your life is too exposed. That’s what I did. You bought a book, great. Do they need to know? Ofc not. But what of they ask you? Make it sound as humble as possible. For example I replaced so many of my sentences with ‘I have been crying for this insert any item for ages, yesterday they finally listened to me’ or ‘I actually worked verry hard for this test, and I still can’t seem to be giving my all’ then if u get good marks don’t tell them (if they ask, just say some of ur efforts paid off and u got above average and leave) if u get bad marks, hell whine in front of them. Tell them how hard u worked and still got such shitty grades. This would actually help you get their eyes off them. Every girl in mh class looked up to me and i know that feeling, it used to get suffocating. If you really want to live happy and free again there are 3 things u will have to make a must.
    1. Be as low key in front of those obssessed with you as possible, as humble, as invisible like u r just as ordinary as any one of them.
    2. Appreciate them for the tiniest of things. Even if it’s just a hairpin. Say things like you look so pretty, i wish i could look like you (even if she’s looking as ordinary as ever) this technique particular helped me with those who were very status/brand/personality conscious and felt complexed about themselves. Make them feel like a Goddess, they’ll start staring at themselves in the mirror and stop staring you.
    3. Lie. That is only like about your own achievements. Point is, and I only realized it later in life, that when you pretend a bit dramatically in front of them about how hard you prayed for something or how much u cried for something or how hard u studied for that test, it neutralizes the effect. Be best at whatever you are, just keep it hidden from them. Your achievements are to be cherished by you and your family. They are not to be discussed among competitors who are always on your trail to beat you. And such competitors always come in beautiful disguises of friends. Don’t get hooked, keep your life to yourself and fam.

    I did all of the above and thanks to Allah I am myself, i still make achievements and ppl still follow. I am in inspiration and will continue to be for those who are observant enough and only follow in my footsteps not completely_copy_ what I have done. So yeah I hope this helps.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this wonderful insight. I shall try my level best to keep my life as low-key as possible. I told these people about things I did, because I was genuinely happy and I wanted to share it with somebody and my intentions were pretty clear. But maybe I need to stop doing that. I need to start staying as low key as possible. I’ll try to not advertise my achievements and not tell what I am upto even if it is genuine from my side. Thank you very much for you advise. I’ll try to implement it in my life. Have a great day and week ahead.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes exactly you see that’s the problem. We share our achievements with them not to brag or boast about ourselves but just because happiness multiplies when you share it with someone. We are clear in our intentions and we are just genuinely telling them that may be happy too but as I learned in Psychology, this is not how human mind works. There are only a veryy handful of people who would actually be happy to see us thrive and prosper. By my experience they are your close family members (mind it not the extended family), your that one cousin whom you never thought of as a best friend but who has actually been there with you all your life from the day u were nothing to the day you became everything, two or three very close of ur school friends whom u never find until when in high school. Other than that, from my 1st grade to 10th, alll my best friends, not best friends, open enemies, disguised enemies, mere acquaintances e.t.c have been competitors. Some of them were good, even great, they made me push my limits (I made some push theirs), others were horrible and made me feel so paranoid and suffocated. All in all, no one’s fault. Its human Psychology to want more and the best for yourself. The only thing which I could do was not to push them away, not to lose my own skills, not to become a hermit myself. All of it taught me to be more humble, more appreciating (because many a times they just copy to validate their existence even tho they won’t show it) and just be very careful of how much life I share and with whom. Yes it won’t be easy to play some restrictions on one self, I remember stopping mid-sentence realizing that this may be too exposing amd i should better shut up. I am not asking you to completely draw out of it and become invisible but just to tackle it with style. Not too exposed, cautious with your words and humble. Thanks so much for considering my poor advise, I am sorry for soo many typos and yeah good luck. Its always​ a pleasure to be of some help!^-^

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you for sharing what you have learnt and I’ll try to be as humble, as appreciating and as low as possible. I can’t thank you enough for telling me what to do especially at this moment in my life. I know it’ll be hard to follow some restrictions, but I know that it’ll be worth it in the end.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Interesting post! Thanks for sharing!

    It seems to me that the half-dozen girls who were either motivated by a desire to imitate you, or by a desire to compete with you, were not being authentic. By that I mean, they were not being true to themselves. If that’s the case, then I hope they will at some point in their lives change that about themselves, because so far as I know, it is nearly impossible to be truly happy in life unless you are substantially true to yourself. You don’t have to be perfect at it, but you do have to be good at it.

    Otherwise, over time, you will come to hate your life and yourself.

    That’s been my experience, and the experience of many of many other people.

    By the way, if you’re interested in the topic of being true to yourself, I’ve written about it here:
    https://cafephilos.blog/2017/04/03/be-yourself-a-guide-from-why-to-how/

    Like

  6. Hey, I loved your post on Lilly Singh. It is awesome to connect with fellow fan+blogger. Just like how she became a YouTuber, I aspire to be a blogger (professionally) and connect with other bloggers who share my tastes! Proud to be Team Super and love to have stumbled upon you! 🙂

    I have written an article as well, please check it out:

    https://wordpanache.wordpress.com/2017/04/04/htbab/

    and the FB group: http://www.facebook.com/unicorns4bawse

    Twitter: @unicorns4bawse

    Like

  7. Perhaps you should ask them why they were imitating you. Ask them their reasons. If they’re really doing that because they want to make you feel bad then they are’nt your friends. Better stay away from them. But if they’re doing that because they were idolizing you, then you can explain to them that you’re not comfortable with what they’re doing. If they really are your friends, they will understand. Once in a while we find people we seem to admire and we tend to copy their styles, but as long as we do not lose ourselves in the process, I guess it’s okay.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have tried asking them, but they have always gone into denial mode. So I stopped bothering. That is what I am trying to and succeeding at doing, STAYING AWAY. And now, I have found and noticed who really matters in the end. Definitely working hard at trying to not lose myself. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Hope you are having a lovely day

      Like

  8. I guess I don’t see what the big deal is. Yes, sometimes people copy other people, sometimes out of admiration, sometimes curiosity, sometimes because they themselves are lacking in some way and don’t know how to be their own authentic selves. I don’t know. I have no idea if other people copy what I do or not, because I’m too busy living the fullest life I can and being my own person to care about where other people get their inspiration. I suppose that, if someone were to imitate what I say, wear, etc., then I would feel a bit flattered that they were so inspired by me. Why dull your own shine just because you have fans? It doesn’t make sense. So maybe they will take what you do and do it better. Okay. There are always going to be people who do something better than you. Accepting that makes it so much more fun to do what you do for the sheer enjoyment of it, without making it into a mental competition.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is one among the comments that showed what I needed to be. So, thank you loads for that. I’ll try life life to the fullest and not care what others do or say and also try not to make it a mental competition. Hope you are having a great day x

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Well being a student i myself feel that i have been in the same situation when i find people noticing me and then copying me and i dont mind it because i have known over the years that only the things you choose to bother you really bother u…so be happy n be yourself…
    Take care
    N do take a look at my posts i hope u will find it relatable and good😊

    Liked by 1 person

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